Happy Birthday

A very happy birthday to my love. He is 30 today. It seems silly to remember back to childhood and 30 sounded so far away. It’s hard enough to be able to reference things 10 years in the past, and to be able to remember 20 years back seems almost insulting. I am not far behind him so this is not an insult or merely to humor him.

Are there milestones in your life that you have reached and you are nowhere near where you thought you would be? Or are you exactly where your life plans guided and directed you? The what-if’s and the why’s of the past are no longer there for us to manipulate, but God-willing, there is a least another 30 (hopefully more!) years ahead to take amazing strides and see where life goes and what it holds for us.

So my birthday wish for you today, my love, is that you live your life to the fullest. That your eyes are opened to the grand opportunities that life hands you as well as the tender moments that slip quietly by. May you cherish both. Be led by God, allow me to walk alongside you, and let’s journey together. I love you with all my heart.

Settling In

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been 18 days since we’ve moved. The place has come together quite nicely, and I would like to thank my Type A perfectionist personality for kicking into high gear during that first week. I think I had every box unpacked within 4 days and by the end of the same week had everything I could move in its place. Pictures, etc. still need to be hung, but that will happen when Mr. Dallas has some spare time. Bless that man, he is a HARD worker.

The silver lining to being unemployed is that I have the time to tackle such a project. The job with the family as a nanny didn’t pan out, but I think it’s really for the best. I am learning many life lessons, which aren’t always pleasant, but still deepens my pool of “stuff-I-thought-I-knew-but-realized-I-don’t-really-know-anything.” I have had a job from the moment I was legally allowed to work. I was the middle child, afflicted with a bad case of middle-child syndrome. I wanted to provide for myself and not be a bother to my parents. I would stash away birthday and holiday money – which came in handy when I ran away. To the bushes in the front yard. Then back to my room when I saw my parents car coming down the road. You can never be too prepared.

Where was I? Oh, yes. I have always wanted to be able to provide for myself and learn to be self-sufficient, which I believed to be synonymous with strength. I have learned these last two months that sometimes it takes more strength to allow someone else to provide for you and to be humble enough to accept it with grace and thanksgiving.

We’re still here…

Dallas and I moved over the weekend – apartments, not sites, so I’ll be back when I get my life back in order. Although,  I am impressed that we found coffee supplies and complete outfits, including underwear. I’m really proud of that feat.

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

This morning I feel 14 again. I am off to meet with a family for a babysitting gig. This is the same family I interviewed with earlier this week and they want me to come along for the day’s activities to see if it’s a good fit. At the same time, I have (I can’t believe I’m going to type this) a zit. Not just any zit. An O-my-gosh-if-there’s-a-tsunmai-we-can-all-head-for-higher-ground-on-Erin’s-face zit.

Dallas told me to leave it alone. But it hurt SO badly. It even hurt to chew food. But I was gentle. I used hot rags, massaged with cotton swabs – nothing rough. This morning as we’re standing in the bathroom, I said to Dallas, “It hurts so bad I can feel it on the inside of my lip.” (It’s just under my nose actually). He turns to me, eyes popping, “Erin, look in the mirror.” My lip is swollen to three times it’s normal size. I have full lips to begin with. This looks like my lips are attacking my face. On the first day of my new job, babysitting.

So since I’m not 14 and can’t pass it off as acne, I’m going with the excuse that it’s a collagen injection on one half of my lip to see if I like it. That way I sound grown up.

Month 2

No, I’m not preggers. It’s month 2 of being unemployed. I am doing somewhat better that my previous post. Sometimes emotions become so entangled in the questions and worries of the mind that simply writing (or typing), slowly untwists the mess into organized chaos. So thank you readers, thank you internet, for allowing me to dump this on you.

I interviewed today with a family for a potential part-time nanny position. I’m not sure what will come of it. I know that it’s not a permanent solution, but it will be just to get out of the house and be around people.

We’ll be moving at the end of the month, just across town, but I need to get packing as well. If anyone has lots of packing paper or bubble wrap they want to donate, even boxes, let me know. : ) Or full moving services would be accepted as well.

My husband is so wonderful. I had a migraine hit just around 3:30ish today. Fortunately, I had just put ribs in the crockpot, but I was in rough shape. When he came home, he brought me a soda (just in case it was caffeine related), gave me gentle kisses, and rubbed my shoulders. After I ate about three bites of food and almost lost it just as quickly, he worked out a few kinks in my neck. I know it’s not his favorite thing to do, but I really appreciated every bit of energy he put into it. I’m actually feeling 95% normal right now. Considering how poorly I felt earlier, I thought I’d be in bed at this point. He is my favorite.

We’ve just finished watching a fantastic episode of So You Think You Can Dance and are now watching the second half of Mr. Hollands Opus. It’s nice to be relaxing next to my love this evening. Although with the wind outside, we may end up sitting in the dark if the power keeps flickering. : ) He he he.

Blog Therapy Round 2

I have to be really honest. This situation sucks, big time. I am such a Type A Personality. I want to do everything right and do it right the first time. With that comes the terrible habit of looking at a situation, and thinking I may fail, I won’t try. I can’t handle the failure. I hate it. It physically hurts me.

I think I may fail at  job hunting. It’s only been two weeks and I’m exhausted. I’m apathetic.

Deep down, I’m really angry. I had a job I loved, a job I was good at, a job that more than met our needs. And we have a lot of financial things to deal with. So the loss of a job is really devastating. I received a bit of severance, but when that’s gone and the jobs are nowhere to be found, then what?

People say to use this time to find out who you are, what you want, discover your passion. Again, I have to be honest. I HAVE NO [insert strong language of choice here] IDEA. I think I do a lot of things, but I don’t excel at one thing. I can’t sing or dance. I think American Idol is okay and I love So You Think You Can Dance, but please, those are not my God-given talents. I take nice photos but not nice enough to sell. I can cook but not under pressure. I love science but don’t have a degree beyond a bachelors. I don’t have a teaching certification or a medical license to practice anything. Going back to school is out of the question. I write a blog that I think all of three people read.

As a Christian, we’re supposed to have faith and trust that our needs will be met. I believe my needs will be met, but the not knowing how fuels my fear and my anger. I can only distract myself with things to do for so long and then I run into reality headlong like it’s a brick wall. My mind races with things to occupy my time, things that don’t cost money or valuable calories. One can only cook so many dishes before the threat of weight gain or emotional eating has to be faced.

I want to say I’d like God to speak to me. Someone once told me that if God has to speak to me, then I’m not listening. He gives us His Word, His Spirit, and the counsel of godly friends to guide us.

But honestly, I’ve never felt quite so lost, confused, or alone.

…And we’re off.

I did it. I sent out my first resume today to a connection I made on LinkedIn. I’ve set up my resume on Monster, etc., but this is really where the job market is to be found – through networking. But it’s not as simple as “Attach File.” No, every resume and cover letter has to be modified for every position. And now I’m done. And exhausted. Does that happen to anyone else?

I need to iron some of Dallas’ shirts. That might happen later tonight while we watch House and Heroes. And I need to go to the grocery store. But that can wait a day. I really need hamburger buns for sloppy joes tonight, but I don’t want to go to the store until I have all my coupons and lists made. I would be mad if I missed out on a potentially super cheap or free item. So it’ll be sloppy joes on bread slices. Mmmm. But I already went out to the post office today and it’s freezing! Well, maybe b/c I was wearing my jeans cuffed with flip flops and a t-shirt. But still! Did I mention that resume writing and sending is exhausting?

I think a quick nappy-poo is in order! Catch you later!

Run

As I read through my Facebook posts today, my following sentiments echoed across the page. Last night I had the opportunity to attend the most beautiful funeral service I have ever been to or will go to again. The irony of that – beautiful funeral.

After more than three years of battling with cancer, I lost a friend. She was one of my many youth group leaders, Sunday school teacher, and a true Proverbs 31 woman. Sadly for me, I moved away after high school and had only seen her a couple of times. Facebook allowed me to reconnect but I am saddened that my journey in life didn’t intersect with hers on a more frequent occasion.

I would like to share what I encountered last evening, however, words on a page won’t bring the emotion and passion that was there in that room. I wish it could. I would insert a hyperlink here and post updated blog tags everywhere.

My friend was married to the love of her life and had 4 children. Her eyes sparkled and her voice was always so gentle. However, from this small, delicate woman came immense wisdom and a flood of selflessness. This didn’t just come from her, but her entire family was infected also. Here is a couple who has raised their family in Christ-centered love. Their focus was always on others around them. Her son said that even when she was sick, she would never sit around on the couch. She was always doing something. She didn’t complain that her situation was hard. They all knew that. But she pushed them all on in love to be love.

This past Easter, the church held a service called “Mighty to Save.” Here’s a song with that same title that it was based on. During the musical, there was a video with a number of people and their testimonies of God’s faithfulness, mercy, and power. My friend was in the video, not because she was miraculously healed as all had been praying and fasting for over the past three years. But she was there to say, “No one knows what tomorrow holds. There’s not one of us that knows what battle is around the corner. But this I know: I know that my God is a big God. He’s bigger than any storm, than any struggle. I know this. My God is Mighty to Save.”

One of the pastors leading the service had taken the family to the park this week to ask the kids what they would like for him to share at her funeral. While they were there eating breakfast donuts, a homeless man came up to them. They offered him food and let him know that they were having a very private, serious conversation and we’re sorry that they couldn’t offer more. As the pastor turned and talked to the kids, the dad sneaked away after the man. When dad came back, the pastor asked him why he left. “I just wanted him to make sure he knew that Jesus loves him.”

In that same park conversation, the pastor asked the kids what they would say if they could tell their mom one more thing. They all shouted out answers like, “Thank you Mom. We love you. You’re the best mom ever. Thank you.” And to that the pastor said, “No matter how hard you squeeze, goodness always comes out.”

We have this hope that she is with our Lord, she is whole, and she has run the race to completion. She has beat us all in the race. But even from Heaven, she is still pushing us all with her gentleness and her selfless love for others that Jesus had made real in her life.

I challenge you (all two of you who read this) to do the same. Go forward in love. Not a fake surface love and asking people how they’re doing. But a sincere, Christ-centered love. It will be a learning process. Even this morning, as determined as I was to do this, I snapped at my husband. I think I may have the most growing to do. But my race isn’t done. I’m must keep running.

Sleep Sweet

I love sleeping. Especially in a comfy bed with lots of freshly laundered blankets and sheets. Dallas teases me because I love to wrap myself in sheets that are fresh from the dryer and sit until I can hardly stand it. It’s a glorious experience.

I am so very grateful that we live near 2 IKEA’s – life cannot be more grand. Truly. So my wish is for a comforter from IKEA this winter. My grandmother gave me a down comforter when I was going to college, but it was for a twin bed. I still have it, but it won’t work on our queen bed (hello, captain obvious). Dallas tends to be a warmer sleeper and I a chilly one. So there needs to be a good balance. The beauty of IKEA comforters is that they offer such a wide range and their premise for sleeping follows that of their store – simplicity. So we buy one down comforter, but can change the style of our room with a simple (and cheaper) duvet.

Here is one IKEA duvet that reminds me of river rocks. Very tranquil. Pair it with blues and greens in the room and you’re transported to a quiet river.

I also love this one from Target. We have a sleigh bed, so I’m afraid the design may lose some of its impact.

I’m a big fan of large graphic prints. I think it’s because I grew up with striped comforters (the Tanner girls on Full House had the same ones we did – I know, crazy!) and my mom’s house is very floral, so I really tend to shy away from that too. And by shy away, I mean run screaming and jump on the first moving transportation mode that is moving faster than my feet can carry me.

P.S. IKEA and Target are not paying me to comment on these. I just really like them.

I think it would be a lot of fun to help someone decorate their home. That way I can buy stuff, but with someone else’s money and still have the thrill of decorating. I’m a thrifty gal – I love IKEA, Target, etc. Stores like Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn are gorgeous, but I won’t be buying that stuff until we’re empty nesters. And we don’t even have kids yet. So it’ll be a while. But it sure is fun to look.

The Hunt is On

Sadly, I have become part of a statistic. I am 1 of the 14.9 million U.S. unemployed workers. That’s 14,899,999 people that I am with in the same boat. Dang, that’s a large boat. I hope no one gets seasick. Can you imagine the clean up?

I was laid off last Friday, right before the Labor Day holiday. I promised myself one week of vacation, a week in where I would not consider a job search, resume editing, or freak-out crying hysterics. I start all that today. I may try to avoid the latter – it’s exhausting and doesn’t accomplish much. So, I have a busy day ahead of me.

Let’s rewind for a minute. The weekend I received the news about the lay-off, my husband and I went to a church on the northwest side of Chicagoland called Willow Creek. While we were there, we felt very refreshed and heard a great word from one of the teaching staff, Darren Whitehead. Today I really wanted to start off this new journey in my life with God’s direction and took some time in prayer. I also checked out Willow’s site, curious to see what past messages they had available for viewing. I came across a video from August 2008 where Darren spoke about decision making. You can see the video here. It was exactly what I needed in response to my desire to pursue what God has for me, His will, and how everything will work out.

Anybody remember Amy Grant’s Thy Word? I grew up with this song (and Amy, but that’s another post) and knowing this scripture from the many Missionettes meetings. (I am proud to say I’m an Honor STAR, but dang it all, it can’t quite hold its own on a resume. Shocking, right? And I will not suffer you to follow a link to the site. The program has changed a lot).

AND back to the reason for this. Psalm 119:105 (ESV) “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Every time I heard it, I heard Amy. But today it had new perspective. I’m a hardcore Type A and I love plans, schedules, and knowing what’s going to happen. I hate being caught unprepared. But Darren spoke that God’s word is a light to our immediate path, our footsteps, not a floodlight to our entire journey. We have to trust God to take us down this path, for reasons we may not understand. I like to try and determine those reasons (there’s an answer to everything, yes?). I wonder if he is shielding me from my purpose, for if I were to see it now, would I panic and retrace my steps or jump to a new path? Maybe there isn’t anything down the path to frighten me, but He simply is asking me to learn to trust Him.

So my day will be spent editing resumes and hopefully sending out a few. God does ask that we help out with this journey. We must take the steps, He will guide the way. What’s around the corner is still to be determined.